


If We Only Knew

by Sandbirde



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-22 00:23:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14925848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandbirde/pseuds/Sandbirde
Summary: But there's nothing we could have done, is there?I'm taking commissions! https://sketchbirde.tumblr.com/post/179867361229/sandbirde-sandbirde-updated-commission-post-i





	If We Only Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for taking so long to get another fic up! The past few days have been wild. I'm also about to go on vacation for a bit r i p. Anyways, hope you enjoy!  
> I'm now taking commissions! https://sketchbirde.tumblr.com/post/179867361229/sandbirde-sandbirde-updated-commission-post-i

“Hey, Monika!”

Monika glanced up from her book, her eyes immediately regaining focus from the dreamy state of being enveloped in paper and ink. She’d been sitting alone, killing time as she waited for the bus with one of her favorite poetry anthologies. She certainly didn’t mind being interrupted as she usually might, though. She simply smiled, marked the page, and closed the book.

“Hi, Sayori!”

Sayori, though a little ditzy at times, somehow had the keenest sense of empathy Monika had ever known in anyone. This would not work to Monika’s favor today, as Sayori immediately launched into what Monika affectionately referred to as “mom friend mode”. “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you? I’m here for you!”

Monika laughed, a mellow sound that was half love, half sadness, with a pinch of actual amusement. “Oh, honey…” Monika thought for a moment before patting the bench beside her. “Have some time to sit with me?”

“Always!” Sayori grinned broadly before plopping her butt down rather clumsily next to Monika. She reached out a hand, gently rubbing Monika’s shoulder. “Are we talking or just sitting?”

Monika smiled warmly at Sayori. She didn’t know how she got so lucky as to have a friend like Sayori, but she wasn’t one to look gift horses in the mouth, if she could help it. “Just...give me a minute, alright?”

“Sure thing!” Sayori leaned comfortably on Monika’s shoulder, as was customary between them. They were fairly physically affectionate with each other, but Sayori could also usually sense what Monika wanted on any given day, and act accordingly. It was a level of respect and tact that Monika deeply appreciated.

Silently, they watched car after car zip by, back and forth on the roads in front of them. Every now and then they would make up stories for different drivers, but now was a time to just sit and observe. Observation was just as vital to good writing, after all. That, and...Monika, despite knowing better, was a little shy about sharing personal things, even with Sayori. It wasn’t a lack of trust, it was...embarrassment and insecurity, mostly. She did her best not to let it affect their relationships, but it really was a bitch sometimes.

Eventually, Monika steadied her breathing, focusing on her heartbeat. Sayori, consciously or not, felt this and shifted a bit to show with her posture that she was attentive, but patient.

Monika spoke softly. “Some boys were...really fucking rude to me today.”

Sayori startled a little. Monika didn’t usually swear unless they were in private or it was something very serious. Now she was  _ definitely  _ paying attention. She tried not to stare at Monika as she waited for the context.

Monika sighed roughly, kicking her feet in agitation. “I was just…” She sucked her bottom lip, then let go of it with a loud pop. “I was just reading! By myself! In the lunchroom! I wasn’t bothering anyone! I was just eating and reading and having a good time, and then this  _ asshole  _ -” She stopped kicking and scowled at her shoes. “This... _ guy _ comes up to me out of nowhere and smacks the book out of my hand.”

Sayori bristled immediately. She wasn’t one to get outwardly angry often, but when she did, she was absolute hellfire. For now, though, she kept her cool. “I see. So what did you do?”

Monika clenched and unclenched her right hand. “I just. Took a few deep breaths. Stood up. Asked him if he was going to pick it up or not.”

Sayori tensed up even more. “And?”

“He stepped on it and called me a freak.” Monika was mumbling at this point, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. “Said I was going to die alone with a fucked up back if I never lifted my head up. Said he was doing me a favor.”

Sayori tilted her head, her eyes watering with sympathy tears. “That’s so ugly, Monika. I’m sorry you had to deal with such an awful person.”

Monika gasped, clearly trying not to cry. “I just picked my book up, packed up my food, and left. Went to the bathroom to calm down, then went to class. Never ate.”

Sayori frowned, furrowing her eyebrows. “You should eat something now, then.”

Monika shook her head. “Not hungry.”

Sayori sighed, more out of concern than disapproval. “Okay, babe.” She bit her bottom lip. “I’m really sorry that happened to you. I wish he’d found a better way of dealing with his insecurities.”

Monika smiled weakly. “Yeah, me too.”

Sayori leaned back onto Monika, and they sat quietly for a while, Monika letting the tears stream down her face helplessly. She knew once it started, it was nigh impossible to stop. Sayori just wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her as she cried, rubbing her back when her breath stuttered. Eventually, the tears slowed, and Monika rubbed the remaining moisture sloppily from her eyes and nose with her sleeve. She’d forgotten tissues today, unfortunately, but she knew at least Sayori didn’t mind when she was gross.

Sayori smiled reassuringly at her. “You know you’re not a freak for loving literature so much, right?”

Monika giggled. “Yeah, I know. I could never give it up, anyways. I just wish more people understood how amazing it is, yknow? There’s so many different kinds, and the things you can say and do with skillful writing are almost endless! How do you  _ not  _ appreciate that? There’s something for everyone! I think it’s kinda tragic, honestly.”

Sayori giggled too, poking Monika’s shoulder. “I know your opinions, believe me.”

They both laughed, then hugged each other, relishing each other’s company - that is, until Sayori gasped and bolted upright, nearly knocking Monika upside her chin.

Monika jumped backwards, laughing nervously. “Jesus, Say, you okay? What the hell was that?”

Sayori stared wide-eyed at Monika. “I just had the  _ best  _ idea - but I need you on board with me.”

Monika tilted her head. “Oookay, what is it then?”

Sayori grinned, her eyes flashing - a look that intimidated a lot of people when it slipped out on occasion. “Wait for it…” She drumrolled on the bench, making Monika giggle again. She then tapped Monika’s forehead, making a cymbal sound with her mouth. “Weeee should start a literature club!”

Now Monika was bug-eyed, staring at Sayori in disbelief. “A...club?”

Sayori smiled even wider. “Yes! A club! You can’t possibly be the only person in this  _ entire school  _ that loves a good book, or a beautiful piece of poetry! We just have to find them - and what better way to do it than with a club?”

Monika smiled so faintly it was almost imperceptible. She rubbed the back of her neck, looking off to the side of Sayori’s head, then down to the bench. “There are...too many reasons why that won’t work, Sayori.”

Sayori grabbed Monika’s hands, gently, but firmly. “There are  _ not  _ too many reasons.” She looked Monika straight in the eyes. “There are too many  _ excuses _ .”

Monika blushed, her stomach and heart trembling in tandem. Sayori wasn’t wrong, but...how could they possibly…?

“I don’t think needing four members to even start the club in the first place is an excuse.”

“Yes it is!” Sayori squeezed Monika’s hands earnestly. “We both have friends, Moni! We’re both in English classes! Network, for God sakes! It’s not impossible!”

Monika chewed the inside of her cheek, and Sayori realized she was getting angry and backed off. “I’m sorry. I just really think this would be good for you. You could finally know that you’re not alone.”

Monika chuckled lightly. “I already know I’m not alone, Sayorita. I have you.”

Sayori stuck her tongue out. “That nickname is still ridiculous.”

Monika grinned mischievously. “I know.”

Sayori rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. “Aaanyways...you know that’s not what I mean! Of course I’m supportive of anything you like, but you need people who love it as much as you do! You’ll be so much happier when you find other people like you. I know you will.”

Monika sighed, sliding down the bench and leaning back. “I mean...maybe? I guess?”

Sayori pouted. “Come ooon, Monmon, please? At least try to find two more people so we can start the club? I promise it’ll be worth your time. If it’s not, I’ll…” Sayori thought for a second, started speaking, hesitated, then spoke again. “I won’t eat any pastries or sweets for a month!”

Monika raised her eyebrows. “Those are pretty high stakes, Sayori. You sure about that?”

Sayori groaned, but plowed on, determined. “As sure as I am that you’re about to make some new friends.”

Now it was Monika’s turn to groan. “Fine. Okay. I’ll give it a shot.”

Sayori froze, as if caught in a random pocket of time. “You…” She clenched her thighs nervously. “You will?”

Monika threw up her hands exasperatedly. “Yes! I will! I will do my absolute best to find two more members for our as-of-yet and most likely perpetually nonexistent club!”

Sayori smiled broadly, her pure sunshine essence decimating Monika’s uncertain stormclouds. She said her next sentence surprisingly quietly, though.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Monika couldn’t help but smile back. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little excited at the prospect of getting other people that loved literature as much as she did collected in a room together, to do nothing but write, read, and discuss for an hour every day. Her intestines had long since gotten hopelessly entangled in themselves, but somehow...dare she say she was hopeful? She supposed that wasn’t so strange, though, with Sayori’s unrelenting optimism lighting the way.

After all, as unthinkable as all this seemed, she knew that, as long as she had Sayori by her side, things would work out, one way or another.


End file.
